Review: Twilight

Twilight (2008)

starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Nikki Reed, Peter Facinelli, Cam Gigandet

dir. Catherine Hardwicke

Yeah, I get it, I'm not the target audience. If I was a thirteen year old girl I'd be going nuts over this movie or shaking my head wondering why it couldn't be as good as the book. So for what it's trying to be it's fine. But I have problems with it none the less.

I won't discuss the performances. I can't say they were good or bad. They were forgettable, which it the worst you can do in any film. If you're gonna go over the top, go for it. Make it something that Timothy Carey would applaud, or go the other direction if you've got the chops. I have a gut feeling there are very few chops in this. 

The love story itself has logic issues. At one point Edward our dreamy vampire goes off on how he is a creature designed to be desired. His scent, looks, voice all work to draw people to him (I have the same problem). If that is the case and there is no key scene where we can see why she finds him attractive for reasons other than those stated above. Therefore it may not really be love, right? That's what I took from it. I never saw a clear moment where she said, "I like this guy, he's funny." Every reason had to do with what he was, not who he was. At least they explain why he loves her, he is unable to read her thoughts. This either means he finds comfort in her, or she's dumb as a stump. 

My big issues are all technical. I thought it was visually uninteresting and there were goofy flourishes where none were needed. The exception being a shot of Edward and Bella on the top of a giant pine tree. If it was real, I'd like to know how they got them up there. If it was CG, someone deserves a bonus. But over all, there was very little tension built through framing or cutting and the entire piece felt plain and derivative. It's that kind of thing that really makes me dismiss the film. It gives the impression that the producers felt success would come from the brand, not the filmmaking. It's just lazy and uncinematic. That is the biggest crime. You have a love story and vampires, two things that have visual storytelling written all over it and they couldn't care less.

The other technical issue I've got is not just with this film, but any movie where they have people climbing walls or trees or running up hills at fast speeds. Limbs never match the speed of movement and there is always the feeling or being pulled by wires. It just seems tacky to me. A cheapness that they live in denial about.

In case you're concerned, yeah, I got the whole abstinence theme but who cares. Most horror films tend to lean to the right, especially vampire movies. I'm not going to get into any political diatribe about teenage sexuality and when someone should or shouldn't have sex. Too each his or her own, just don't be a lousy lay.

So for me, the movie is a big failure. For the audience it is intended for, good job. Keep up your quest for more money and eternal virginity.

5.0 out of 10